Seeing the Unseen: The Art of Unconscious Perception and Silent Communication in Customer Relationship (or with whoever you want)

In the dynamic world of customer relationships, unconscious perceptions play a fundamental role, often determining the success or failure of an interaction before a word is even spoken. Let's explore how these subliminal perceptions influence customer relationships and how you can leverage them to create positive and lasting experiences. Mastering these perceptions emerges as a powerful tool, capable of creating deeper connections and mutual understanding between you and your customers. Through observation and interpretation, it is possible not only to communicate more effectively but also to understand customers' needs and emotions at a deeper level.

Our brain processes an immense amount of information unconsciously. This means that both customers and you are constantly interpreting signals and forming impressions without full awareness of it. These perceptions, though hidden, shape expectations, attitudes, and behaviors.

The first impression is a classic example of how unconscious perceptions operate. A positive first impression can create the 'halo effect', where the customer tends to see everything you do in a positive light, as if it were emanating light. Have you ever heard phrases like "that person lights up the room," "that person is brilliant"? Sometimes we don't even know the person. Our brain is a skillful judge and interpreter (often mistaken). There are numerous factors that can cause this effect: from adaptive appearance, vast culture, body posture, positive communication. Are you curious? Let's explore more about this...

On the other hand, a negative first impression can be difficult to reverse and can negatively color all subsequent interactions. And since that gelatinous mass inside our head loves to play tricks on us, let's learn how to make sure that this 'halo effect' is true or just a performance, and then you will learn to be genuine.

The Tone of Voice and Its Nuances

The tone of your voice and its nuances are like music guiding a dance. Your dancers will dance to this music. The tone of voice can convey a variety of emotions and intentions. Even over the phone, where body language is not visible, tone of voice plays a crucial role in forming unconscious perceptions. Here are some tips to learn how to lead this dance:

• A calm and reassuring tone can soothe frustrated or anxious customers. Subtle variations in inflection help express understanding and empathy, showing that you are genuinely engaged in the conversation.
• A confident tone (note: confident, not arrogant) helps build trust. Customers tend to trust voices that sound secure and knowledgeable.
• Speaking clearly and at an appropriate pace helps ensure that information is understood correctly.
• Adapting your tone of voice to subtly match the customer's can create a stronger connection.
• Understanding cultural nuances and adapting your tone of voice to match the customer's cultural context creates a sense of security and ease. Is your customer of direct Italian descent? Be prepared for loud speech, very inconsistent and expressive inflections. Adapt! The opposite is seen in customers of Eastern descent.
• An enthusiastic tone can be contagious and create a more enjoyable experience for the customer, but control yourself. Be moderate, or you may cause discomfort to the customer, hindering their understanding of what you are trying to communicate.
• Smiling while speaking (even if the customer cannot see) conveys warmth and friendliness.
• Maintaining a consistent tone of voice prevents confusion that can occur with abrupt changes in tone. A sudden increase in tone or even a decrease can convey a message to your customer that you may not want to convey, potentially causing a conflict.
• Using pauses and silence effectively during the conversation shows that you are listening and processing what the customer is saying. Train this timing and control your anxiety.
• When dealing with problems or complaints, a solution-focused tone conveys competence and a desire to resolve the issue. Keep in mind that most of the time, the focus is NOT on you. Do not take this communication personally.

The Impact and Formation of Unconscious Expectations

Both customers and you enter an interaction with a set of unconscious expectations, also known as implicit expectations. These expectations can be based on past experiences, stereotypes, or prejudices. Customer service professionals who are aware of these hidden expectations are better equipped to address and overcome them. It is natural that during the customer relationship process, at various moments, they will verbalize these expectations, experiences, and even prejudices. Stay alert! With confidence and established connection, you will have the freedom to address topics that lead the customer to open up more. Ready to master the conversation? Let's go:

• Our previous experiences shape our future expectations, often subconsciously. When we have good experiences in previous relationships (professional or personal), we tend to be more open, and the opposite holds true. You will easily notice this past experience in the customer. Remember, each relationship experience is unique!
• Stereotypes and cultural norms can also create unconscious expectations about how people should behave or be treated. Unfortunately, there is a thin line with prejudice. Do an exercise: close your eyes and imagine yourself turning on the camera (or entering a meeting room) and encountering a customer dressed in the typical clothes of a culture that is not yours. What immediately goes through your mind? Surprise? Curiosity? Clear your mind and focus on what really matters. That person is there because they need you and your company. And this applies to people who you would consider well-dressed, poorly dressed, overweight, athletic, elderly, young, and so on.
• Expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, if you believe that a customer is exceptionally bright and shows great potential, this can influence how you interact with them, potentially improving the customer's confidence in you and your company, and subsequently greatly increasing the chance of closing a deal.

Understanding the Customer without Words: Posture, Gestures, and Facial Expressions.

In building a relationship with the customer, every gesture, facial expression, and posture can provide valuable clues about the emotional state and needs of the customer. Recognizing these signals allows you to address concerns not expressed verbally, building a bridge of empathy and trust. These readings can reveal a lot about the customer's emotional state. So here we go:

• A customer who crosses their arms and frowns may be feeling resistance or doubt.
• A smile that involves the eyes (known as a Duchenne smile) indicates genuine happiness and openness.
• Distant and averted gazes may suggest distraction, discomfort, or disinterest.
• Leaning forward can show interest and engagement in the conversation, while leaning back or withdrawing can indicate disinterest, doubt (distrust), or the need for personal space.
• Gestures with open hands and "palms up" indicate sincerity and honesty. Quick and fidgety gestures can indicate nervousness or impatience.

The Power of Active and Empathetic Listening

Nonverbal language in customer service is not limited to interpreting customer signals but also involves how you present yourself and react. Maintaining eye contact, nodding in understanding, and maintaining an open and welcoming posture are ways to demonstrate active listening and empathy, essential for quality service and relationship building. We must convey to the customer that they are the main focus of our attention. Want some examples?

• In face-to-face interactions, perhaps your number one enemy is the cellphone. This applies to any interaction, whether with your customer or even a conversation with a friend or partner. Speaking to someone with the cellphone in your hand conveys that the cellphone is more important than the person you are talking to. Placing the cellphone on the table with the screen facing up ensures that if a message arrives, you will divert your gaze and disconnect from the conversation just to check the message. You have just told the person that the message is more important than what they are saying, and they perceive this simply by the shift of your eyes. Placing the cellphone on the table with the screen facing down will cause anxiety in you when receiving messages and not being able to see them, completely distracting you from the conversation. And believe me, this will be noticed. What to do then? Put your cellphone on airplane mode and leave it out of sight of the person you are interacting with. The simple fact that they don't see you with a cellphone already conveys the feeling that they will have your full attention and focus.
• If you encounter a customer frustrated with some misunderstanding of the request or even a mistaken solution, instead of trying to immediately resolve it (acting impulsively and anxiously), you should listen again carefully, acknowledge the customer's frustration, and ask for time to offer a new solution or follow-up. The impact on the customer? They will feel heard and valued, increasing the likelihood of being satisfied with the outcome and maintaining a positive relationship with the company and you.
• Preventing misunderstandings can be solved simply by repeating and summarizing what the customer said to ensure mutual understanding. This avoids misunderstandings and ensures that both parties are on the same page, increasing clarity and communication efficiency.
• In a conflict situation, remain calm even when there is some loss of control or aggressiveness from the customer, listen without interrupting, and express empathy for the customer's situation (even if they are not right). This attitude can calm the customer, demonstrate respect for their concerns (legitimate or not), and pave the way for a friendly solution.

Mirroring: A Reflection of Commitment

Mirroring, a technique where the professional subtly imitates the client's body language, can be an effective strategy for creating a sense of affinity and understanding. This doesn't mean copying every movement, but rather adapting your own nonverbal behavior to reflect that of the client, showing respect and harmony with their feelings. Research your client on social media, understand their likes and how they dress. If your client is laid-back and loves wearing metal band t-shirts, you certainly shouldn't attend to them in a dress shirt and gelled hair. Visual affinity happens in seconds, so why not be in sync with the client? Adapt your vocabulary to match the client's during the conversation.

The Importance of Coherence between Verbal and Nonverbal Communication

The congruence between what is said and what is expressed through nonverbal language is crucial. Inconsistencies can lead to distrust or confusion. Authenticity in nonverbal expression strengthens the trust and credibility of the professional. These perceptions are inherent to human beings and occur naturally all the time. Often these "messages" are what we call "sixth sense." So, let's look at some examples:

• Saying something positive while shaking your head in a negative gesture, or vice versa, will be perceived as an unconscious inconsistency by your client. It's literally your mind not agreeing with what you're saying. Notice this in your client as well. The solution? Don't tell the client something you don't truly believe, or you might fall into this trap.
• You're presenting a new project, product, or solution. You verbally express enthusiasm, but your tone of voice is monotonous and your body language is closed (crossed arms, avoiding eye contact). This inconsistency can lead the client to doubt your sincerity and the quality of what you're offering.
• During a negotiation, your client says the offer is the best possible, but frequently looks at the clock and seems distracted, or as if there were thorns in their chair. This lack of alignment between the verbal and nonverbal may suggest disinterest or haste. There's a good chance the client is just being polite but doesn't agree with the terms and wants to get out of the situation as soon as possible.

The Key to All Doors

A genuine smile is perhaps one of the most powerful tools in building a strong relationship. It conveys warmth and kindness. But beware: it must be authentic. Lying or concealing feelings is not natural to humans. Your body will reveal the truth. A smile can be used to express joy, sarcasm, nervousness, or to relieve tension in difficult situations. The difference between them is easily perceived by anyone.

Try this: smile at someone randomly on the street. It's almost certain that you will receive another smile in return. The door is open. It's the universal signal of immediate transmission of affection, receptivity, and an attempt at genuine connection. Do another test: force a smile at someone and notice the reaction on their face.

This is all about humanizing the relationship with the Customer

By nurturing an awareness of these subliminal factors and developing skills to manage them effectively, customer service and relationship professionals can significantly elevate the quality of their interactions, resulting in more satisfied and loyal customers. In this scenario, the real difference lies not only in what is said or done, but in what is perceived and felt on a deeper, often unconscious level. Mastering non-verbal language is more than just understanding gestures and expressions; it's about humanizing interactions, creating an environment of warmth and understanding. It's the art of listening not only with the ears, but with the eyes, the heart, and intuition. In an increasingly online world, where human interactions are precious, non-verbal language and unconscious perception are the keys to exceptional customer service and building a solid relationship, turning each interaction into an opportunity to understand, sell, and serve better.